The Allen Schezar Project

Now with sportswear logo parody

Next time I might do a reptile theme

Would you like to see an allengator?

'Alligator' is derived from the Spanish 'el legardo,' 'lizard.'

Accoutrements of a Knight of Heaven

- a top-to-toe guide.

1. Hair - incredibly long and beautiful. Never tangles or gets in his way. Has apparently grown over a metre in five years, which is pretty remarkable since hair generally grows about 1.25 centimetres per month, which times twelve times five only leaves you with seventy-five centimetres. Source of three-inch lift at roots unknown. Maybe he's just like Angel, and his hair 'grows straight up.'

2. Sleeves - exuberantly puffy. Possibly inflatable, for use as a flotation device in case of falling into deep water. Make shoulders look broader, à la Henry VIII. Bigness of hair also compensates for possible side-effect of huge puffy sleeves, namely, making you look like David Byrne with a tiny little head.

3. Waistcoat - does not offer any protection whatever against liquid-metal weapon attacks, but then again, what does? Actually, this only looks like a waistcoat. It's actually all of a piece with his pants and fastens over the shoulders, like a pair of bib overalls. Getting undressed to the point where he can go to the bathroom must be quite a hassle, since the outfit does not feature a fly.

4. Gloves - pristine white, even after slugging dirty old molemen in the swamps.

5. Sword - edge suitable for disassembling daisies in mid-air, flat suitable for knocking the wind out of cocky little kings and causing them to blow chunks. Never drawn in jest. The hilt and sheath are light pink. It would just be mean to go on about that.

6. Overskirt - practical purpose mysterious, but it does prevent us watching his butt while he walks. Experts are divided as to whether this is A Good Thing. Aesthetic purpose obvious; accentuates narrow hips, balancing puffy shoulders, makes legs look longer and echoes sweeping lines of hair, promoting impression of smooth, graceful lines. Probably also useful for quickly throwing over mud puddles that inconsiderately get in the way of queens and the like. Insulates bottom when sitting down on cold hard surfaces, thus preventing piles. Really, it's the garment of a thousand uses. I just don't know why I thought it was silly at first. (Hearkening back to number three, he must also have to take it off every time he wants to go to the bathroom, in order to get the top of his uniform down. I have a theory that King Aston forces him to wear these clothes as a sort of chastity-belt preventive measure. The girl should have time to think better of it while he's still struggling with his toggles.)

7. Trousers - quite tight, hence some authorities' objection to the overskirt.

8. Boots - nice and shiny. Does he have to polish them himself or is that Gaddes's job? (Does Gaddes also have to come into the bathroom to hold his overskirt for him? You don't want to drop something like that on a men's room floor. This is a hitherto unexplored aspect of their relationship, and possibly quite a strained one. How much will he put up with for his commander? *^.^*)

Diagram

Natal

Stop Press - I can't believe I didn't include this in the original version of the shrine: Allen's living accoutrement, his pet owl, Natal. Natal is a multi-purpose owl; he helps kick the Mole Man's ass, he makes Allen look like the exact polar opposite of a pirate by riding on his shoulder, and I bet he keeps the mice down in the fort. He has a perch in Allen's room next to his desk, and comes and goes pretty much as he pleases throughout the series.

'Natal' is the Portuguese for 'Christmas.' Heaven knows how Allen came up with a name like that, but there is obviously some vague Portuguese influence on the series overall, as the snippet of Fanelian we hear through Amano and Yukari's ears when Van first appears is a phonetic Japanese attempt at Portuguese. We don't know how Allen acquired Natal - indeed, on the What Might Have Been page you can see that he nearly didn't have an owl at all. Since he doesn't appear in the flashback sequences of Allen's childhood or adolescence, I think it's fair to assume that he came into Allen's life out in the swamps at Castelo. (Castelo? Portuguese again, I believe, this time for castle or fort.)

If you look carefully at scenes in which Natal rides on Allen's shoulder, you may be amused to notice that his weight apparently doesn't put any dent in Allen's Sta-Puft sleeves.

Natal doesn't display much personality, to be honest. I have a theory that he is really Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth, hiding out to recover from the crushing embarrassment and disappointment of being trounced by Sarah. (This theory is slightly spoiled by the fact that Natal is a horned owl and Jareth took the form of a barn owl, but what the hell.) Did you know that the concave discs of feathers surrounding an owl's eyes actually help it to hear by reflecting sound towards its ears? Well, they do. Owls eat their prey whole and later regurgitate any bits they find indigestible in a neat little pellet. And the reason they've developed such swivelly necks is that there isn't actually room inside their heads for eye-swivelling muscles. (However, if you watch Natal closely, his eyes do move, so I guess either the animators didn't know that, or Gaean owls are different.) Now if your parents come into the room while you're browsing this page and ask what you're doing, you can put on your best Lisa Simpson voice and say 'I'm learning about owls!'

What can we learn about a man from his bedroom? Here's a detailed sketch of Allen's lair at the fort, used as a guide by background artists. Sorry about the green shadow on the left - that was the best that the generous Webmistress Lizzard could do on the scanner without breaking the spine of her book. Hmm, nice big fireplace, but no bearskin rug - or indeed, hearthrug. An armchair or sofa facing it might be nice, but instead it looks like all the furniture is trying to keep away from the fire. Nothing going on over there. Note, however, a large and sturdy bolt on the door - for privacy? Security? Who knows? The built-in furnishings are fairly spartan, and the map and weapons on the wall suggest that Allen considers this a room for working in as much as living in. However, a taste for beauty and comfort is revealed in the richly-patterned carpet on the floor by the bed and the elegant desk, both of which I'm betting he brought from Pallas. Under the wall cabinet by the door, you can see Natal's perch. I bet that's a great chandelier for swinging from if baddies burst in and action of the Errol Flynn kind is called for.

I suppose the cabinet contains toiletries and the like (styling products ahoy!), but it's not clear where Allen can keep his clothes. Possibly the seat of the bench against the wall lifts up and there is storage space underneath, or the 'fourth wall' we're looking through features a wardrobe. The only other details I can discern (I'm squinting really hard here) are a potted plant on the little shelf next to the window, and two large bottles or jugs on the recessed shelf under the map, contents unknown. Moonshine liquor? Reserve supplies of shampoo? You be the judge.

Casa Schezar

I thought it would also be interesting to give you a peep at Allen's ancestral home, which doesn't tell you about him so much as about where he came from. It appears from that fanlike display of weaponry, the shields and heraldic banners on the walls, that dynastically, the Schezars have been much given to waggling swords about. (Also some rather nasty looking pikes and polearms.) Indeed, the only touch of personality in the room that is uniquely Allen's is Natal's perch, which he must carry with him everywhere he goes. (Either that, or he has an owl-perch waiting in all his rooms.) This is where Allen is sitting when you-know-who wanders in looking stoned. I guess this is some evidence that Allen is homeless in the sense of having nowhere that feels like home, not that of having no actual house. And it must be the home he lived in as a child, or else how would you-know-who know the way there? Anyway, there you have the grandeur of stately Schezar Manor. Although I do wonder whether those cabinets are still full of the family plate, or whether Allen sold their gold and silver to pay his stylist.

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