based on Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon, episode 30: Ojii-chan ranshin, Rei-chan no kiki. View the screenshot album for this episode (opens new window) Why do I call this 'Thanks, Zoisite'? Well, it's got to do with my theory of the general beneficence of the universe, which ensures that no matter how much of a destructive butthole you are, you will, even inadvertently, do some lasting good in the world. I mean, if it wasn't for Hitler, we wouldn't have the supremely cute Volkswagen Beetle, am I right? In a similar vein (okay, not closely similar) Zoisite is indirectly responsible for the beginning of Yuuichirou and Rei's relationship. If it weren't for his actions in attempting to retrieve the seven rainbow crystals from their carriers, Yuuichirou and Rei might never have met. Had Zoisite not attacked Rei's Grandpa as he meditated one night, the little old dude wouldn't have gone berserk-o, the young man sleeping off a hard day's night on the shrine steps wouldn't have woken up and gotten involved, Hikawa Jinja wouldn't have acquired a somewhat awkward but very hard-working disciple, and worst of all, Rei wouldn't have anyone to carry her parcels when she goes shopping. Now, inadvertently causing something nice or cute to happen doesn't make up for starting World War Two or shafting Nephrite, but it's still nice for those of us who aren't wearing jackboots this season. In the old DiC English dub, this young man introduced himself as Chad, a rock musician suffering from burnout after a tough tour, and wanting some downtime in a place of peace and tranquillity. Nice backstory. In the original episode, he's just a random drunk boy with his worldly goods in a duffel bag (which doubles as a pillow on those hard stone steps). What is clear in any language (big pink hearts in the eyes are the Esperanto of the soul) is that Yuuichirou fell in love with Rei the moment he saw her, running out to help her grandpa, and signed on at the shrine as a pretext to get to spend time with her. 'Gnarly babe at six o'clock!' 'For shame, Grandpa! Fie, fie for shame!' This initial infatuation soon deepened to admiration of Rei's strength and spirituality, coupled with a growing concern for this nutty old guy who had him swinging from trees on a rope like some Shinto George of the Jungle. Wearing what looks like a tablecloth as a cape. Hmm, yes. Although somewhat incapacitated by a booby-trap involving a bucket of water, he took the opportunity to tell Rei she also looks really cute in her school uniform. Rei was severely unimpressed by this ridiculous behaviour, and told Grandpa off; unfortunately, her friends being present, she managed to turn this into having a fight with Usagi, who gleefully assumed that if Rei was sticking up for Yuuichirou she must be in lurve with him. This squabble turned so nasty, with Rei snarling at Yuuichirou too, that Ami and Makoto left in disgust. Rei, too, was worried about her grandpa, seeking calm among the falling yellow leaves of the ginkgo trees surrounding the shrine. Yuuichirou managed to comfort her a little by suggesting he might just be acting weird because of the changing seasons messing up his biorhythms. Cupid, at this stage, did not have a clear shot at Rei: she was considerably hung up on Chiba Mamoru (there's no accounting for taste). Helpful little Usagi therefore took matters into her own hands, and, yet again abusing the privilege of owning a magic pen that lets her take on any appearance she chooses, disguised herself as a fortune-teller (or ridiculous Chinese stereotype, call it how you see it) to play Cupid - after all, who can argue with fate? Someone should sit Usagi down and give her a nice lecture on tact and subtlety, with diagrams. Her heavy hints about kisses succeeded only in annoying Rei (not hard work at the best of times). One very cross schoolgirl miko told her to bug off in no uncertain terms and stormed away. 'Oh Yuuichirou, I worry so - does my face look flat to you?' 'Fortune-teller, eh? Let's see the secret handshake, sister!' 'Let's poop on her head.' 'Ahhh... a nice green bath.' And these were not the best of times, as the inhabitants of the shrine would discover that night. While Rei was worrying in the bath and Yuuichirou was slaving away at his ridiculous rope-swinging exercises, daydreaming about Rei thanking him for his efforts (watch out for that tree!), Zoisite came back to finish what he'd started. This time he succeeded in nabbing the crystal and turning Grandpa into a really outstandingly silly-looking youma. I liked the googly eyes. Yuuichirou, understandably alarmed upon discovering a thing like that marauding around the place, ran to warn Rei. Unfortunately, she had gotten out of the bath but was not yet fully dressed, leading to some mutual embarrassment and squealing. Dearie me. Rei snatched up her white robe to cover herself but Yuuichirou was still exposed to quite a good flash of leg. 'Eek! A pervert! Besides Grandpa!' 'Don't look, don't look! I'm all nude and stuff!' 'You want the girl, you gotta go through me!' Youm: Okay. DiC managed to delight me once again with Rei's initial reaction to her transmogrified relative, a Valley Girlish 'Oh, gross!' She and Yuuichirou ran, but got cornered - and Yuuichirou, with the special type of brainless bravery that comes with being newly in love, stepped in front of Rei, telling her to escape - he was ready to die for her. He then attacked the youma and was out for the count within seconds. Still, A for effort! This left Rei to fight her grandaddy alone, but fortunately Usagi showed up shortly afterwards, bearing a plate of daifuku cakes Luna had suggested she bring to sweeten her apology for cheesing Rei off. Rei stopped the youma in its tracks with an ofuda (those cute little exorcism scrolls she uses) and Sailormoon restored Grandpa to his normal self. Well, as normal as Grandpa gets - he was still a dwarfish horndog with a striking resemblance to Hans Moleman. There's only so much a Moon Healing Escalation can do for a person. This first tale of Yuuichirou and Rei ends with everyone happily chorfing daifuku, and Yuuichirou wondering what happened to the youma. Rei and Usagi, probably wishing they could get their hands on an MIB standard-issue neuraliser, suggested it was a dream (yeah, right, caused by swamp gas escaping from a weather balloon and refracting with the light from Venus - but Minako wasn't even there!), which Yuuichirou couldn't quite believe. 'I like cake!' 'And I like you, Yuuichirou.' Then (violin music, please) Rei looked at Yuuichirou and said the words every boy dreams of hearing from his special girl: 'You seem like a stupid slowpoke.' Er, what? 'But you're really brave and kind.' She leaned over and gave him a sweet little kiss on the cheek. (Audience: AWWWWW!) Yuuichirou kinda blissed out at this stage, burbling about how this was living his youth to the fullest. Usagi, triumphant, declared this proved Rei liked Yuuichirou; Rei said she was just trying to be nice to him to make up for Grandpa's abuse. Grandpa stuck in his two cents' worth, saying he wouldn't let Rei marry 'the likes of Yuuichirou.' All Yuuichirou picked up out of that utterance was the word 'Marriage!?' to which both Rei and Grandpa responded with a roar of 'Don't even think about it!' The whole thing quickly degenerated into a here-we-go-again scene of everyone chasing each other around the courtyard delivering or dodging thwacks - but on the whole, harmony was restored, and Yuuichirou had become a part of the furniture. So what do I think? Just trying to be nice - shyeah, right. This is Rei-chan! She's only nice to you if she means it. But there is, I guess, a disturbing possibility that Rei kissed Yuuichirou to take his mind off the youma issue. Still, there would be other ways to do that, so I think we can chalk this up as a definite Rei-and-Yuuichirou Mush Moment. What red-blooded young woman wouldn't be impressed by a guy willing to give up his life to save hers? And she gave him credit for not being as dopey as he looks. My only real beef with this episode is that it was drawn by the infamous Lazy Animation Unit who can manage to make the girls' faces look flat and dopey from any angle. At several points in this episode Yuuichirou looks grotesquely and inconsistently chubby, and facial expressions are very poorly rendered. Still, a fine debut for our hirsute hero. Supplemental based on Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon episode 31: Koisarete owarete! Luna no saiakuno hi. View the screenshot album for this episode (opens new window) Yuuichirou appeared only briefly in this episode, and it was kind of a tease. The main storyline of #31 concerns Luna's adventures one Sunday with Rhett Butler (yes, as in Clark Gable), a very fat tomcat who has a crush on her, and is, surprise surprise, another rainbow crystal carrier. DiC fans will remember him as Hercules. I loved this episode - Zoisite in the sewers is hilarious. There is, however, a subplot that involves Rei wandering around wishing she could get in touch with Mamoru so they could go on a date. (To eat tiramisù, apparently. Blecch!) In fact, Mamoru is sitting at home with his answering machine on thinking about the ginzuishou. (At least, that's what he was doing in the shot they showed us of him. For all we know, once they turned the camera off he went back to eating day-old pizza and watching Crayon Shin-chan.) So Rei's walking down the street, she's thinking abour Mamoru, she's feeling lonely, and she runs into off-duty, jeans-clad Yuuichirou. Who asks her out for tea. Woo-hoo! But before Rei can really say yea or nay (that rhymes! four times!), Yuuichirou loses his nerve and says he doesn't expect a pretty girl like her to have any time for him, and runs off. D'oh! An especially neat aspect of this scene is that it takes place in front of two large advertising posters whose slogans - and the facial expressions of the models - change in response to what's going on in the conversation. When Rei plays hard to get and Yuuichirou, taking her at her word, goes into sheepish 'aw-shucks what was I thinking' mode, his (presumably more assertive) poster exclaims 'You're going to take that!?' When Rei realises she's just let a replacement date slip through her fingers, her poster looks kind of like it's going to puke. Yuuichirou takes off so fast that Rei is left bewildered, thinking 'What was that?... It's like Gone With the Wind.' I guess this is a joke playing on Yuuichirou literally being gone with the wind and the tomcat's name (he belongs to a little girl named Ohara), because he sure isn't reminding me of Ashley or Rhett in this scene. So Rei continues to mooch around, thinking that she should have accepted Yuuichirou's offer - little woo-hoo - when she spots Zoisite hassling the kitties, and resolves to burn him a new one, on the basis that no-one should interfere with love, even between cats. (Luna is extremely embarrassed by Rei's histrionic reaction.) I think she's definitely feeling thwarted here. Well, so was I, by the end of this episode! The possibility of going out with Yuuichirou was never followed up. Still, there's always hope. Maybe one day he'll listen to the poster telling him to go for it! Of course, when you are letting a poster run your love life, you have a whole 'nother set of problems. 'Yuuichirou... am I mental, or are these posters watching us?' back to top Information Entertainment Galleries Site Stuff Contact Home