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>>Folken Lacour de Fanel>>Miscellaneous This is the page for bits and pieces that didn't seem to fit anywhere else. I always have a few of those when I make a website, things I thunk up or found and enjoyed but couldn't find an excuse to put on any of the other pages, so here they are now, for your bemused perusal. New
Jobs for Folken Equipment Contractor for Batman. 'Where does he get those wonderful toys?' the Joker mused. Good question. Bruce Wayne surely doesn't have the facilities to manufacture all that paraphernalia himself - or rather, he probably does, somewhere in the Wayne Enterprises holdings, but making Batman gear himself could draw dangerous attention to his secret identity. Ergo, he must contract it out to trustworthy operators. Ergo, he needs Folken! Imagine the Batmobile with a stealth cloak. Okay, it would be hideously dangerous on the roads, but so very, very cool. If there's anyone who can improve upon the classic Batarang design, I'm sure it's Folken. And the two of them could be great friends, having so much in common: a tragic past to brood upon, a penchant for voluminous black cloaks, a talent for lurking in shadows, a tendency to spend an ambiguous amount of time in the company of teenage boys and of course a fondness for catwomen. Folken would fit right into Gotham City society. In fact, much of Gotham City society would probably consider him quite tame and dull. It'll be a nice change for the poor boy. Defence Against the Dark Arts Master, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. When I was a summer camp counselor, I ended up reading a chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (then newly published) to my cabin every night. It kind of drove me nuts. Heaven knows why I have read all four Potter books when they rub me the wrong way so much of the time - but I did end up with so much of the Harryverse stuck in my head that I actually came up with a draft plot for the fifth novel, assuming J.K. Rowling is not averse to writing a crossover *^.^* But this idea is mine, okay? I don't want other people to use it. Harry Potter and the Hand of Fate - After the momentous events of his fourth year at Hogwarts, Harry is hoping against hope (not to mention all previous experience) for a return to normal routine. Some things at Hogwarts, reassuringly, never change, and one of them, paradoxically, is that the Defence Against the Dark Arts master always does. No-one can seem to hold the job for more than one year running. Having something mysterious wrong with you appears to be part of the job description, and Headmaster Dumbledore's 'second chance' hiring policy is well known. However, this new sorcerer who's got the job... well, he doesn't have another face on the back of his head (why was everyone so down on that? Every teacher needs eyes there), he isn't a vapid prettyboy not to be counted upon (although his surprising youth for a teacher and undeniably attractive appearance have caused quite a flutter among the girl students, even, to Ron's loud disgust, Hermione), he isn't a wolfman (although he says some of his best friends are) and he isn't anyone in disguise as anyone else. He does have red eyes and an artificial arm. He does have two pet kittens who go hunting in the Forbidden Forest and absolutely terrorise Mrs Norris, the caretaker's cat. And he is the only staff member who can referee a Quidditch match without getting on a broomstick. The only person who seems comfortable with him is Hagrid the gamekeeper, who is fascinated by his knowledge of dragon lore, enchanted by his scary cats, and heartened by his understanding of what it's like to be a half-giant (or half-Draconian, or half any unpopular supernatural minority group). Despite everything, he's a pretty good DADA master, with a strongly practical approach, and it's sort of cool learning to use swords as well as wands. (There is an irreproachable wizardly precedent for this - look at Gandalf fighting goblins in The Hobbit.) Harry quite liked him until he came up with this brilliant plan for camouflaging him from Lord Voldemort's detection with a 'fate alteration.' For the first time since he was a baby he doesn't have a curse scar... but he does have a whole slew of new problems, such as Slytherins calling him 'Harriet,' absent-mindedly walking into the wrong lavatory (you'd think he'd be familiar enough with the location of the girls' one), and worst of all, horror of horrors, Draco Malfoy not only stopping being nasty to 'him'... but making sheep's eyes at 'him' and leaving very awkward love-poetry on 'his' desk. Let's just cave and start using the feminine pronoun, shall we? Even Harry's friendship with Ron is under strain, although she's getting a lot closer to Hermione. Harry doesn't trust Professor Fanel any more, but when Lord Voldemort makes his next move she may have no choice... Hmm. There are two people with uncannily powerful manual prosthetics (hallo again, Wormtail) and considerable minion-to-an-evil-overlord experience. There are two genii with an affinity for serpents and first-hand experience of death. In each case, the new master may just be the lesser of two evils... Coming soon, in a blaze of hysterical publicity, to a bookshop near you! (On a tangent, when reading The Goblet of Fire, did anyone else find that they couldn't help imagining Cedric Diggory looking exactly like Amano-sempai?) (Stop Press: You know what's really scary? The announced title for the sixth Potter book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, works just as well for this story.) Yet Another Novel of Discworld. Here, again, I assume that the illustrious Terry Pratchett (whom I hold in far higher esteem than Ms Rowling, because he knows what an elf is) wouldn't mind doing a crossover *^.^* Okay, so this isn't on Earth - next best thing *^.^* Hex - The faculty of Unseen University, particularly those brave or silly enough to venture into the High Energy Magic Building, have long since accepted, with a sort of uncomfortable resignation, the tendency of Hex, the Disc's first occult-driven 'thinking-engine,' to apparently create and summon new parts for itself. It's even gone so far as to write a Hogswatch list for the more elusive items. But it never called up a whole technician before. The new member of faculty, if such he may be termed, is regarded with deep suspicion by the more traditional wizards, who rather feel he's letting the side down. He doesn't smoke, isn't fat, has no beard, his robes haven't got any sequins on at all, and worst of all, he doesn't wear a pointy hat with a floppy brim. (His hair does exhibit characteristics of both pointiness and floppiness. This might be in accordance with the principles of mimetic morphic resonance, or it might be the result of him putting more stuff on it than the Dean in his 'quiff' period.) However, he understands Hex better than Ponder Stibbons, who nominally built the damn' thing, and he called the Librarian an ape on the first go, so clearly he knows a thing or two. Perhaps it's just better to let him get on with whatever it is that he does... but really, a wizard who drinks in Biers? Now, the Auditors of Reality have a problem with Life. They don't approve of it. They also have a problem with Death. He doesn't approve of them. Hex seems far too much like Life creating itself. The Auditors determine (strictly by consensus, of course) that such a threat must be either eliminated... or made to serve their ends. This is the type of thing that causes Death to break with his strict policy of non-interference in mortal affairs, which operates on a principle similar to vowing not to swim, unless you happen to find yourself in water. And when Death takes a personal interest, it's difficult for his granddaughter Susan to avoid getting involved... however reluctantly. When the new regular at Biers becomes more than one of her usual circle of antisocial acquaintances, she begins to suspect that she may have met her match... and she really hopes that wasn't what Grandfather had in mind in the first place. A Discworld Romance. Sort of. (Because let's face it, Lobsang Ludd was no ball of fire.) Bit/Piece
#1: Should you ever find yourself
watching the movie Aliens 3, play
close attention to the prisoners in the
cafeteria scene, when Ripley first steps
out shaven-headed. One of them has a
teardrop tattoo, just like Folken's. It's
even purple. I have no idea if Nob' copied
from this (Aliens 3 came out
first), but I think it's a very cool
coincidence. (And just to get really
tangential, since fire is the only
effective weapon against the aliens in
that series, my God but Ripley could've
used some help from Dilandau and his boys.
*sigh* Never send a Space Marine to do a
Dragonslayer's job.) Bit/Piece
#2: A subject of absorbing interest to
me is who should be cast as which
character in a hypothetical live-action
movie version of Escaflowne. I used
to argue very hard for David Duchovny to
play Folken, but just recently I've come
around to feeling that Ewan McGregor is
the man for the part (never fear, Duchovny
fans, I can still fit him in as Gaddes and
this way he won't have to blue-rinse his
hair). McGregor undeniably has the depth
and the range to play this character. He
is exactly gorgeous enough. And there is
one more compelling reason: in my
Escaflowne movie, Lord Dornkirk
would be played by Sir Sean Connery, and
I'm sure Sir Sean would appreciate being
offed at the end by a fellow
Scot. Drawing
from the margin of one of my university
notepads - happy SD kitty-Folken. I'll
tickle him under the chin any time
*^.^* I had previously considered Ewan McGregor for the part of Allen Schezar, but thanks to someone (I can't remember who) on the Dilandau Mailing List I have had an epiphany and can see that Cary Elwes must be Allen. I'm so glad I can find a part for virtually everyone I have a crush on... even my platonic crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar, cause she's gonna be Celena. Bit/Piece #3: It's only tangentially related to Folken, but I've always wanted to get a screensnap of Dornkirk looking through his big fate-telescope thingy and superimpose a speechbubble saying 'Smithers, who is that lackwit in Sector 7-G?' I don't think I've ever seen an American cartoon character and an anime character who (superficially at least!) reminded me as much of each other as Mr Burns and Dornkirk, especially in the casino episode (I think it was called '$pringfield') where Mr Burns gets very Howard-Hughes-esque and grows a long beard. It's just lucky Dornkirk never asked Folken to build anything called the Spruce Moose. Bit/Piece #4: To understand this, you need to know that I used to have a job as a market research interviewer. I made a lot of phone calls and spent a lot of time listening to dial tones and answering machine messages (for the record, the ones where people sing, and the ones where they let their small children record the message, are the most annoying), and doodling idly on a scratch pad. Some of my doodling turned into this essay: Escaflowne no Thesis, which is bad Japanglish for a thesis about Escaflowne. A lot of it is about Van and Folken. On the other hand, a lot of it is about cultural differences between the suburbs of Auckland and a wonderfully obscure Australian movie called The Castle. In any case, perhaps you'd like to read it. There is a little recycling of material from these shrines, because I didn't initially think of including it here, but this doesn't really matter; I mean, you have a pretty high tolerance for the word 'mullet,' right? *^.^* |
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